How To Raise Little Zombies
As a nineteen year old, I am no where near ready to have children. However, my mother has made a living by running a daycare out of our home for the past 14 years. I’ve come to realize that children are easily amused and adding cute little twists to their favorite games is a sure fire way to keep them occupied. Most children play games like “freeze tag” or “the floor is lava” and while this might be fine and dandy, it’s so BORING. Luckily, the kids at my house (who even made a video for me last year about how to survive the zombie apocalypse) have been watched by me for a few years now (scary, I know) and we’ve created our own games.
ZOMBIE TAG
The game of tag is one of the easiest and most sure fire way to tire out your children before bedtime. The game consists of children running after another and slugging the crap out of someone to make them “it”. The point of the game is to avoid whoever is “it” like a leper and run at the speed of light away from them. This game can get extremely boring after a while once the kids figure out who the slow one is and makes him perpetually “it”. Zombie tag has the same premise, but something a little more interesting. Whoever is “it” is a zombie. The child must slink around like a zombie with their arms out and cry out for brains. Rather than allow the kids to all run from the zombie and making the game super lame, the game is every kid for himself. The children must turn on one another and attempt to get the other non-zombies to be “bitten” by the other zombie. Once a child is “bitten” by the zombie, he or she becomes a zombie. This goes on until there is one child left and deemed to have survived the zombie apocalypse. It’s much more fun than tag and the kids actually seem scared of their infected friends, plus…it’s adorable!
ZOMBIE HIDE AND SEEK
As long as children have been without video games and internet sites to keep them plump and occupied, children have played hide and seek. Whichever kid could fit into the smallest crevice, had the best climbing skills, or the who was able to find Batman t-shirts in bushes would always be deemed the winner. After a while however, kids would run out of hiding places and the game would grow stale. How do we spice things up? By adding zombies of course! Kids are now hiding from impending danger as there are zombies afoot! Children will find their hiding spots and keep quiet as to protect themselves from the walking dead. Once found by the zombies, the children are able to run in terror and look for other survivors!
UNDEAD’S UP SEVEN UP
Dating back to the 1950’s this game that is for each selected participant to correctly guess the person who pressed down his or her thumb. It takes a minimum of 14 children to play the game in its truest sense, but if there is a smaller group to start with, fewer than seven can be picked at the start. Honestly, if you stare at people’s shoes from under your desk, you can always win. If you have zombies however, it becomes a whole new ballgame. The whole class has been infected by zombies and you’re on your way to being infected too. However, 7 people have the antidote and they’ve chosen you to live. In the rush of the zombie outbreak however, they weren’t able to grab you in time! You must figure out which one has tried to save you before the rest of your classmates eat you alive!
ZOMBIES VS. CIVILIANS
Since Cowboys and Indians is the most un-PC game of the century, it’s only necessary that we create a better game. Zombies vs. Civilians. The civilians are armed with nerf guns and in this game, the zombies can run. (Sorry for non-running zombie fans) The zombies are coming after the civilians and they need to shoot the zombies before it’s too late! However, for risk of injury back of the head shots are only acceptable. You shoot a kid in the eye, and your parents are going to kill whoever is in charge.
(Special thanks to our artist Byron Rempel for the donation of his zombie children for this post)
