These days, zombies are about as popular as vampires in our culture. And why shouldn’t they be? Zombies are cool, they’re interesting and, let’s face it, everyone loves to wonder if they would survive an apocalypse, right? So without a doubt, what I’m trying to say is

Zombies Make Everything Better

Think about it. Zombies are being thrown into classics like Pride and Prejudice, Marvel decided to go the zombie route with superheroes in Marvel Zombies, heck even I do it for fun sometimes with my new rendition of Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken (By the Undead) on my blog. So when you really think of pop culture, why not throw zombies into any existing medium?

Seinfeld? Why couldn’t Kramer have been a zombie He was already kind of stiff and definitely odd. The addition of a comedic zombie could have improved the show so much. Oh Larry David, why didn’t you think of that? Take this classic scene from episode #51 The Contest:

George: You don’t think I can?
Jerry: No chance!
George: You think you could?
Jerry: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you!
George: Care to make it interesting?
Jerry: Sure how much?
George: Hundred dollars?
Jerry: You’re on!
Elaine: I want in on this too.
They all disagree.
Elaine: Why not?
Jerry: It’s easier for a woman not to do it than a man. We have to do it, it’s part of our lifestyle. It’s like shaving.
Elaine: Oh that is such bologna I shave my legs!
Zombie Kramer: Not everyday.
Elaine: Well what about you, Kramer? You in?
Zombie Kramer: Nah.
George: Why not? You don’t think you can hold out?
Zombie Kramer: It’s not that.
Jerry: Well what is it then?
Zombie Kramer: I can’t!
George: Why not?
Zombie Kramer: Because I’m a zombie!

See? It works, even for a comedy. Imagine if the film Clerks started out as is, Dante can’t get the shutter to open only to find that he, Randall and some random customers are safe in the middle of a zombie attack? You think Dante’s girlfriend wouldn’t make it to the store to save him? She was pretty kickass. And it definitely would have added new meaning to his favorite catch phrase, “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”

Wouldn’t Star Wars have been a little bit better with representatives from a zombie planet? What if Vader had a small army of the undead? Imagine the light saber chopping through necks…

Desperate Housewives with zombies would give the title of the show real meaning. Wheel of Fortune? How about Wheel of Zombies? Although Pat and Vanna are starting to look like zombies anyway. Imagine opening your mail and checking out the new Urban Outfitters catalog and seeing zombies in the hipster cardigans and fancy dresses. Wouldn’t you like it just a little more?

I mean, come on, if they’re creating games where plants and zombies fight, the undead can be placed ANYWHERE and show significant improvement. All I’m trying to say is that zombies make everything better.

Wouldn’t you agree?