It’s the survivor’s greatest fear: Those moments when he knows he’s infected, and no amount of cleaning or medical treatment will prevent him from becoming a zombie. Those are the moments explored in Side Films‘ super short film “Too Late” — but there’s a twist. I didn’t see it coming! Directed and edited by Rani Naamani, with terrific makeup by Nedy Acet, FX by Carlos Puertolas and performance by Nelson Brown.

Quite possibly the cutest zombie film ever, “Zombie Blues” is a short made by 2nd and 3rd graders at PS 48Q in Jamaica, New York, for the 2011 Urban Arts Festival. It’s the story of a sad, lonely zombie who walks the earth — and even the moon — to find a friend. Needless to say, you won’t find violence and gore in this elementary school project, just a sweet zombie story created by kids. The film was made with the help of Urban Arts Partnership, an organization that brings arts instruction, including filmmaking, to NYC public schools. In addition to the story, the film includes the song “Zombie Blues,” performed by students in their zombie makeup. Who knows, maybe one of these kids will grow up to make their generation’s great zombie feature!

Everybody’s afraid of zombies… But try to imagine your self waking up from the dead… How would you feel?

In a Québec town, a beloved clown (buried in full costume) is awakened from death by a Mentos-based chemical reaction. And so begins the journey of Patrick Biovin’s “Le Queloune” (The Clown). The unlikely protagonist is a fully self-aware zombie — he doesn’t even realize what he is until he catches a glimpse of himself in a mirror. Lucid undead are tricky, but in this comic tale, it works. The short isn’t particularly scary, unless of course you have a fear of clowns. I imagine, in that case, it would be pretty horrifying… but the zombie clown is pretty likable, even as it discovers its taste for human flesh. As with many short films, there is a nice punch at the end (I won’t give it away). Definitely worth checking out — high production values, good acting, a great original score and beautifully done credits. The 2009 film is in French, but there is so little talking in it that the only thing subtitled is the gravestone.

Set in zombie-swarmed Miami, “The Zombie Years: Thanks Grandpa” is a prequel to Juan Navarro’s comic The Zombie Years, an ongoing serial that follows a small band of Cuban-American survivors of the apocalypse. Central to the group is Del, a badass young woman with a scar across her face, about whom little is known. The short film follows her day-to-day life before the events in the comic, as an (almost) lone survivor, foraging for supplies and just getting by. Despite the horrors she’s faced, Del appears to have a relatively sunny outlook, smiling to herself as she explores the city, remembering the things her beloved grandfather taught her. If you like wall-to-wall carnage, you may find that this character vignette spends too much time focusing on Del by herself for your taste at first — but hang in there. The gruesomeness will come, including a shock ending that will alter your vision of Del altogether.

You don’t have to follow the comic to understand or enjoy the film — and if you haven’t checked out the comic yet, “Thanks, Grandpa” is a good introduction that will leave you wanting more.

“THANKS GRANDPA” is a short film that takes place in a post-apocalyptic Miami Florida overrun by the living dead. When all that exists is death, it takes more than survival to understand life, and we see Delilah “Del” Esquinosa go about this in her own way, from finding a new companion… to keeping old ones. What is family, friends, or even life itself when faced with the dead who won’t DIE?

“THANKS GRANDPA” is a vignette prequel based on the ongoing webcomic ZOMBIE YEARS (www.ZOMBIEYEARS.com). It tells the story of one of its main characters, Delilah “Del” Esquinosa, and what she did before she met her compatriots. It ties in directly to the story line…

In “Dawn of the Dead,” the zombie horde was drawn to a shopping mall. In “Gun Barista,” the 2010 short zombie comedy from Australia’s Highly Caffeinated Productions, the undead skip the mall and head straight to the coffee shop. Clever and funny, the film should resonate with caffeine addicts (and coffee snobs) everywhere. Winner of the 2010 Scream Screen Short Zombie Film Award. **

Find out more about the film and other Highly Caffeinated productions at the “>Gun Barista” Facebook page”

On the first day of the zombie apocalypse, two men must use all of their skills to feed the appetite of the oncoming horde… They must feed their most basest desires… Their caffeine addictions!!

Based on the title, you might expect Chris Russell’s Zombie in a Penguin Suit to be a comedy. And, at first glance, it’s darkly humorous to see a zombie wearing a penguin suit, the trappings of his “before” job as an aquarium employee. In fact, Penguin Suit is a sad, beautifully made story about an undead man, based on the short story “What’s Black and White and Red All Over?” by Hugo Garza. Not quite self-aware, the penguin-clad zombie appears to feel fear enough for you to feel sympathy for him (it?), but not enough that you don’t know that he’s a monster. There are no words in this film, just the hauntingly lovely music of Marc Mellits.

Take seven and a half minutes out of your day and check this out if you haven’t yet. It’s nearly flawless zombie art. If you want to throw the film some support, “Like” it on Facebook: Facebook.com/ZombieinaPenguinSuit or on Zombie in a Penguin Suit’s homepage

Zombie in a Penguin Suit is a short movie by Chris Russell. It is about a guy who becomes a zombie while wearing a giant penguin suit. Hilarity and sadness ensue.

When the zombie apocalypse hits, what will be your weapon of choice? A baseball bat? A rifle? Or will it be… your smart phone? Joe Nicolosi’s short film (very short, clocking in at under four minutes) *#Zombies: Followers of the Dead* explores Twitter as a vital tool for zombie survivalism through a series of improvised interviews. You may ask, how does everyone still have access to the internet? *#Zombies* doesn’t explain that, but the concept is believable: Survivors tweet news (and unsubstantiated rumors) to each other, helping each other fight zombies, find food and shelter, and, of course, become Twitter celebrities. As one survivor ominously puts it, “Followers are power.”

*#Zombies** *(pronounced “Hashtag Zombies”) is more than worth four minutes of your time. Check it out, and find Joe Nicolosi on (where else?) Twitter, at twitter.com/#!/tehpwnshop

Six months after a zombie apocalypse nearly destroyed the world, the remaining survivors talk about twitter…

This was unscripted, totally improvised.

TOXIC LULLABY starts quite curiously, with a woman travelling with a couple guys across the countryside (why she’s doing this, we don’t know). She goes in and out of consciousness, having realistic dreams of a post-apocalyptic world. The second time she does this, she stays in that world, and the movie basically forms itself into a road movie, with a group of people wandering around a post-apocalyptic rural landscape. This motif has become more and more common lately I’ve noticed; just go off the road a bit into the woods, film around some run-down buildings, and you’ve got your post-apocalypse. Not a bad thing really but the story of these movies seem to be the same: travel along, encounter other travelling people, travel and reveal character backgrounds, encounter zombies, travel, encounter stationary group of people with a crazy leader, etc.

Unfortunately TOXIC LULLABY’s curiousness doesn’t last for long. It tapers off into an average tale with a bit of confusion added in, as we still don’t know if this is the real world or her dreaming. And we’re not exactly on the edge of our seat to find out, either. As the woman is going through this world, she’s not told anything about it; at least, not soon enough. The group doesn’t tell her about “sleepers” (read: zombies) until she lights a small fire while the rest of them are asleep and attracts some. Seems like rather important information, doesn’t it? Also, they wear gas masks, which, while cool imagery, hardly seemed necessary. The characters would take them on and off seemingly at random, not caring about the (what one character called) poisonous air. It didn’t make any sense.

The zombies, or “sleepers” as they call them here, mostly only hunt at night, but recently have been getting more abundant and more adventurous. They seem to be infected with some kind of virus, the nasty effects of chemical warfare from some time ago. Nothing special about the make-up but nothing bad either, it’s mostly just blood on dirty, snarling faces.

The movie wasn’t all bad, just a bit on the boring side. I did enjoy the soundtrack, which was some nice dark industrial techno stuff. Not surprising coming from Germany, I suppose. The direction and cinematography were pretty good, capturing some creepy shots, and I liked the look of the film. The acting was great, had no complaints there. It just didn’t seem to have that little extra “something” to make it incredibly interesting. I give TOXIC LULLABY 6/10 gas masks.

NINJA ZOMBIES (directed by Noah Cooper — not to be confused with NINJAS VS. ZOMBIES) is a great little zom-com about friendship, with a healthy dose of ninja zombies thrown in. It’s pretty Kevin Smithian, but with worse acting, less clever dialogue (it tries though), and, well, geekier, if you can believe that. Our main character Dameon (Michael Lee) finds out on his 25th birthday that his ancestors left him a trunk containing an ancient sword that will raise the dead. Of course the dead do indeed raise, and he and his friends have to battle them off, and in the process, discover lessons about life, love, and bromance.

The characters, even if they’re fairly flat, are well-defined: the prissy-but-kind princess (Trish, played by Kylie Gellatly), the geeky cute Asian girl (Kara, played by Arun Storrs), the super nerdy white guy (Luke, played by Michael Castro, who of course falls in love with the Asian girl), and two complete horned up meathead buddies (but even each of them is different). They’re likeable and relatable, except for the meatheads (Greg played by Edward Lee Miller and Larry played by Chris Kulmann), and you kind of get caught up in the characters’ banter. Also, you’d never realize how handy a couple idiot lunks can come in when battling zombies.

They really don’t skimp on the fight scenes. With a movie called NINJA ZOMBIES, you’d hope for plenty of undead sword-fighting ninja action, and it does deliver. The zombie make-up isn’t bad, nothing special but it’s kind of interesting to see the make-up poking out from under ninja head wraps. The only thing that really stands out effects-wise is every time there’s some blood splatter (and it’s all CGI, unfortunately) it purposely ends up on the camera lens (as you can see above). It gets annoying after a while and becomes a little distracting. But yeah who cares really, there’s freaking zombie ninjas fighting a cute Asian girl! It’s all for fun and everyone knows that – including Lloyd Kaufman, who makes an appearance as himself once the zombies really start getting out of control.

There’s some nice flashback/dream/vision scenes that break up our time with the characters. It fleshes out the background of the Hell Sword and adds a bit of style to the flick. There’s also a badass opening sequence, and towards the middle, a short motion comic-ish back story. These guys didn’t forget to add the style. I mean of course it’s not Kevin Smith, but a young Kevin Smith might have admired it.

All in All NINJA ZOMBIES is one of the better micro-budget zom-coms I’ve seen recently. It’s funny, unique, and held my interest throughout (it did lag some in the middle). I love it! I look forward to a sequel – which the film toootally left itself open for. I give it 8/10 katanas. Keep an eye out at NinjaZombiesFilm.com for a DVD coming soon.

The Dead (2010) Review

If you could pick the absolute worst place to crash land during a zombie uprising, where would you pick?

If you chose “The African Savannah”, then you know the situation that Lt. Brian Murphy (Rob Freeman), a military engineer finds himself in; stranded in an isolated African country as the Dead begin to rise. Joining up with an AWOL African soldier (Prince David Oseia) who is trying to find his son, the two men trek across barren African lands, on their fight for survival.

Review

I have been looking forward to this movie for what seemed like forever; ever since the first trailers showed up on youtube almost a year ago. Word of mouth coming out of the film festival circuit has been good, bordering on phenomenal. The stories about what went into making this movie would make a compelling story in itself. So when I was lucky enough to catch a screening at ZomBcon in Seattle, I tackled it harder than Ray Lewis on a fourth down blitz. So was it worth the wait?

Well, yes and no…

First, the good news…

In THE DEAD, The Ford Brothers (who wrote, produced and directed) have crafted what might be the most gorgeously shot zombie movie ever. Shot on location in Ghana and Burkina Faso, the cinematography brought the barren and desolate landscape to frightening life. Even without the threat of zombies, the idea of being stranded in such an isolated and unforgiving landscape is a horror unto itself. The colors pop off the screen in a way reminiscent of anything you would see on the Travel Channel. Considering the hassles the film makers experienced while shooting (Military hassles and corrupt Government), what came out on screen is nothing short of extraordinary. This is probably the movie’s strongest point.

The kills were pleasant if a little uninspired. There weren’t any unique kills that hadn’t been seen in other movies. Basically it was Bite, chomp, and moving on. There was precious little, if any CGI used. Lots of practical effects, including the use of real amputees, gave the action a tinge of added realism.

Now, in any zombie flick, the movie is only as strong as the undead. In THE DEAD, The Ford Bros. have created a very realistic zombie. They shamble slowly, seemingly unsure on their feet. It’s nice to see a zombie that actually looks like what a newly risen dead person would look like. They don’t haul ass like 28 days later. They aren’t even as mobile as your typical Romero movie. These zombies shuffle slowly, have limited lateral movement, and aren’t bestowed with any kind of Hollywood add-ons. These are realistic dead, and for that, I’m grateful.

This, however, presents an odd dilemma. The dead are slow and not very mobile, so if you are driving your beat-to-hell truck through the African backcountry and the truck breaks down, just walk. You could probably skip past the zombies without incident. I might be out in left field on this one, but it was something that nagged me throughout the movie, but it wasn’t the movie’s biggest problem.

To my pea brain, the movie committed the biggest cardinal sin as it comes to Zombie movies. It was dull, almost painfully so. I found myself checking my watch repeatedly as the movie entered the third act. It seemed like the movie was essentially a continuous loop of walk-look around-occasional boo scare then repeat. I would have liked the military engineer to act like he was actually in the military and knew how to reconnoiter a building, but it was not meant to be. And, if I may add something here, is it too much to ask to see some African wildlife in a movie filmed in Africa? If I hadn’t stayed through the end credits, I’d have thought the movie was filmed somewhere in the desert. There wasn’t an elephant or antelope in sight. OK, rant over.

The two main actors did a passable job, but didn’t have the chops necessary to carry what was essentially a two-man show. Rob Freeman played the military engineer with a sort of dejected weariness. Starting out shell-shocked after surviving a plane crash, he lacked the gravitas to morph into the solitary crusader that the script called for. Prince David Oseia, playing the AWOL Sgt. Dembele, fairs a little better in his first major film role, but ultimately blended into the scenery. He reminded me a lot of Djimon Hounsou (Gladiator) in the way he delivered his lines.

Overall, I felt the movie’s ambitions and potential far outreached what it accomplished. It was beautifully shot, but fell a little short in the action department. It isn’t anywhere close to “Flight of the Living Dead” levels of suck, but it doesn’t quite reach Classic status either. If you like a more low-key zombie flick, you might find yourself enjoying it. It definitely isn’t for everyone.

2 bites out of 5