Turn that Zombie Apocalypse Into A Global Reanimation Block Party!
From Your Friends at The Zombie Rights Campaign
Introduction
You’ve probably heard a lot of loose talk lately about the so-called ‘Zombie Apocalypse’, where legions of the reanimated dead rise from their graves to devour you, your loved ones, possibly even your pets – as well as drive down the value of any real estate you might own!
Shocking – if true!
However, your eminently trustworthy advisors from The Zombie Rights Campaign are here to tell you that those rumors are in fact, UNtrue, and further, being spread by some very unsavory characters with a vested financial interest in spreading fear of the peaceable Zombie Community.
Can you really believe anything Max Brooks or his friends at the so-called ‘Zombie Research Society’ have to say when they’re peddling scaremongering propaganda like ‘World War Z’ to the general public?
I thought not.
To understand the truth, simply ask yourself, ‘What’s so bad about Zombie Reanimation?’ Would you rather rot in the ground, or be given your very own 1-Up? If a lifetime of playing videogames has taught me anything, it’s that extra lives are awesome. Would Mario really lie to us all? Is that the sort of world you want to live in?
Again, I thought not.
Now that we’ve conclusively proven that Zombie Reanimation is a good thing, how do we celebrate the Global Reanimation Block Party instead of fearfully preparing for the antiquated and quite frankly prejudiced ‘Apocalypse’?
Why not celebrate the global party with one of your very own?
Your Very Own Global Reanimation Block Party
Here are three simple steps you can take to properly celebrate and welcome the new Zombie hordes to your neighborhood! Show your neighbors how to throw a real Zombie Friendly bash.
1) Tear Down Those Barricades Blocking Your Heart
Nothing makes a person feel less welcome than when the people they cared most about while alive frantically board up the windows of the family homestead and attempt to keep them away from the children.
It’s really rude when you think about it.
In addition to hurt feelings, the splintery, haphazardly nailed-together boards, doors and kitchen tables making up your typical survivalist barricade pose real threats to safety for your guests. What if there was a fire and you needed to get outside in a hurry? Someone could get seriously burned.
So put down the hammer, stop taking the dining room table apart and put up a cheerful welcoming sign instead. You’ll be glad you did.
2) Cater for the GRBP
‘All Zombies eat brains’? Hardly. That myth comes to us from relatively recent film ‘Return of the Living Dead’. In reality, Zombies have a wide range of diets, and as with accommodating Living people with special food requirements, sensitivity is the most important thing. We suggest a typical party spread of drinks and food items, and if any Zombies show up with particular food-related needs, courtesy will go a long way until you can contact the ZRC or the Government to help you make arrangements. You know, sodas, chips and dip, perhaps a nice muffin basket! Zombies don’t get nearly enough muffin baskets.
Also, depending on where in the world you’re located, serving brain might not be as hard as you imagine! The internet, as always, has options and recipes available, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beef_brain) though for legal reasons you should probably stick to beef unless authorized by the relevant authorities to serve human-derived entrees.
3) Be Sensitive About Party Games and Activities
This might seem obvious but it’s surprising how often we fail to consider guests when planning activities at a party, and Zombie parties are no exception. Some things to ponder:
–Zombie guests may have limited mobility due to injuries sustained immediately before or after death, so keep accessibility in mind.
–Many popular videogames and board games played at social gatherings are sadly Anti-Zombie; skip Left 4 Dead and Last Night on Earth in favor of Zombie Friendly alternatives like Halo or Settlers of Catan!
–Adversarial activities or those involving play violence are probably a bad idea. Sure, there’s no harm in putting up a pinata, but during a time of heightened tensions and potential stress, do you really want to be handing out baseball bats or sticks? Didn’t think so. Only you can prevent accidental angry mobs!
See how much fun you can have, instead of gut-wrenching terror, if only you open your mind, and your home, to the Differently Animated? We thought you might, and now you’re well on the way to having a great time at the Global Reanimation Block Party.
Thanks in advance from your humble Zombie Rights Advocates at the ZRC.
