Married With Zombies Review

“Dear? Can you pass me the machete…?”

A review of  Jesse Petersen’s “Married With Zombies”

by
S.P. Durnin

Hello all!!

This being my first review for Buy Zombie, I took a look at the many books dealing with the zom-poc lining my shelves and attempted to decide what I should lead with. Needless to say I was spoiled for choice. There are so many novels out there worthy of spending an entire day curled up on the couch enjoying them, that my skull nearly blew up (much like that guy in Scanners) as I wracked my brain about where to begin. Should I go for something hardcore? Maybe one that’s slightly depressing and/or tragic? Perhaps one of the classic “old reliable” zombie tales that are always satisfying explosions of sour brain matter? Hmm…

Nope.

I decided upon Jesse Petersen’s “Married With Zombies”.

Reason being, while not your regular “shoot ’em up” testosterone fest (which I enjoy as well), Jesse Petersen hit the mark squarely with this one. Now, I’m not saying this novel lacks the spraying blood, jutting bone, fetid gore, steaming guts, ammonia-scented piss and slowly seeping pus required to appease the most avid fan of all things rotting, because it has it in spades. I’m stating that it also has something oh-so-enjoyable for new (or even seasoned) fans of the genre. That something is: wit. More specifically, sarcastic wit. Always a crowd pleaser. In my opinion (and take this with a grain of salt please); when you’re able to find a novel that both gets your pulse pounding and causes a few involuntary, auditory moments of mirth (makes you laugh) causing you cackle like a lunatic because you’re enjoying the characters flinging insults at one another? Well, that’s a book you tend to recommend to others. See? I told you there was a reason I liked this one. 

Against the norm, Petersen didn’t write a novel about a survivalist/disaster prepper, who happens to have a cache of food, arms and supplies in a remote locale ju-u-u-ust in case Doomsday rolls around. She also didn’t use a soldier as her focus for the book because come on, if anyone is going to survive a zombie uprising? It’s going to be a highly-trained and motivated member of the United States Military. No two ways about it, those guys are bad-ass. What she did do, is write a true to life, utterly believable story about how (though I loathe to use the phrase) “normal” people would react to the shambling dead. Now, while the main characters are what most readers would term “average” in everyday life, there is absolutely nothing boring about them when they get tossed headlong into the zombie apocalypse.

Allow me to explain.. 

As the story begins, it’s clear that Sarah and her husband David have some problems. He’s out of work, their automobile is about two steps from achieving “trade in on a new car” status, and they’ve been going to marriage counseling (which isn’t cheap!) once a week for the last six months. That, coupled with David’s lack of drive, minor addiction to “gaming” and absent-minded forgetfulness to put…. the toilet seat…. down…. are all contributing issues towards the couples marital strife. Don’t think for a moment that it’s all one sided however, because Sarah is by no means perfect herself. She tends to hold grudges (like say about the toilet seat, along with who gets control their CD changer) and believes David does a slew of little things simply to annoy her.

((Note)): Speaking as a male here, that may actually be the case. I’m not one-hundred percent certain about that one, so I’d have to check with my wife. (Yes. That was a joke.)

On the way to the couple’s weekly appointment with their therapist Dr. Kelly, the two are so busy arguing that they overlook a few oddities like: there’s very little traffic on the I-95 in Seattle (shout out to the West Coast peeps here), really no one is out on the streets as they drive through the city and then (if it were possible to be even more unobservant) they shrug off the security guard’s absence at the entrance to Dr. Kelly’s building’s secure parking lot. David and Sara are sniping at each other (as unhappy married couples tend to do) constantly at this point, and I actually had a flashback to some of my less successful relationships as I laughed at the snide comments going back and forth across the page.

((Another Note)):Whether that’s testament to Petersen’s outstanding skill at purveying the character’s aggravation or my own previously poor judgment when it came to the fairer sex, I really couldn’t tell you. I do hope it’s the first option however….

Upon reaching Dr. Kelly’s office, the members of Team David and Sarah are both so wrapped up in their own thoughts (along with still attempting to ignore and/or one-up each other), they still fail to notice anything awry. Until, that is, they catch their newly-zombified marriage councilor (The good Dr. Kelly) eating a pair of her clients. That’s alright though. David and Sarah didn’t really like them anyway. That’s when the fun and games really begin. Ridiculously moronic neighbors, mentally unbalanced rednecks and religious cults praying for the end of the world all make appearances (Because let’s face it, what fun is Doomsday without a few whack-a-do’s, right?) along with ever growing numbers of the mobile maggot-heads.

Some would say the novel moves at “breakneck” speed, but I really didn’t find that to be the case. There’s plenty of downtime between the ever-gratifying action/battle sequences for a good amount of character development. You get to experience not only the characters thoughts but their feelings as well (a perk that is sometimes lacking in many novels, zombie-based or otherwise) as they attempt to survive the world going bat-shit bonkers, and there’s quite a bit of that wonderful, stress generated, psyche-stimulating, sarcastic wit throughout.

All in all, I found Married With Zombies to be an extremely fun and enjoyable read. Exciting escapes, gut-busting humor, viscerally satisfying battles against dead cannibals… That’s entertainment my friends. My only complaint (Well, not really a complaint now that I think about it) was that I couldn’t put the book down until I’d finished it. Upon reaching the end my first thought was “Dammit, there’s no more? Oh, man…”, then I proceeded to sit there looking at the cover for almost a full fifteen minutes.

I was NOT pouting.

Luckily, Petersen has two more installments (with a forth in the works, I’m told) following Married With Zombies in the “Living With The Dead” series; Flip This Zombie and Eat, Slay, Love. I’m actually considering doing follow-up reviews on those as well.

Okay, I admit it. I drove to the bookstore that same day and bought them, so I could feed my inner zombie geek.

Well, that’s all for this review. Until the next time, keep your crowbar handy friends….

Available on Amazon