It’s not a question of if, but when. It will probably start slow with a few strange cases reported here and there. The Centers for Disease Control will come up with some useless “universal precautions” spiel, and whoever the future Surgeon General is will record plenty of PSAs telling us to stock up on antibacterial soap and sharpen a truckload of jabbing sticks. But the real question is: When the zombie apocalypse comes, what do you want to be driving?
Paramount Marauder
Photo by Gulustan via Wikimedia Commons
With room for 10, or 12 if you don’t mind squishing, and a variety of weapons stations, including a convenient gun turret up top, the Marauder makes your personal trainer’s Hummer look like a toy car. Zombie swarm coming at you? No problem, the Marauder can zip through a brick wall and its 420mm ground clearance means you won’t have to stop roadside to pick biter bits out of your differential. Granted, keeping the Paramount Marauder fueled is going to be a full time job. But considering its size and capabilities, you should be able to live safely in a Wal-Mart parking lot for a long time — or heck, just drive the Marauder into the store and make camp in the candy aisle. Who’s going to stop you?
1973 Winnebago Chieftain
Photo by Alex Proimos via Wikimedia Commons
The nostalgic choice for a post-apocalyptic road trip has got to be Dale’s sweet RV from “The Walking Dead” comics and television series. True, it’s got some miles, and it can barely outrun some of the spryer living dead, but the rugged Chieftain can actually be maintained by a person with a little mechanical know-how, a pack of gum and a roll of wire. With all the relocating required for survival, it’s nice to have your bed inside your car so you’ll never have to sleep in a strange place again.
Porsche 911 Carrera S
Photo by Alexander Prevot via Wikimedia Commons
If you think a quick getaway is the key to survival, the 911 should be your top choice. Popular Mechanics puts the 911 on their “best car for the end of the world” list because of the vehicle’s speed and performance. After all, maneuvering around zombies while driving at top speed in a car that doesn’t handle well is just silly.
HEMTT A3 Diesel Electric
Photo by Marcusroos via Wikimedia Commons
Horde-crushing power, meet hybrid sensibility. The HEMTT A3 (Heavy Expanded Tactical Truck) made by Oshkosh is the baddest post-apocalypse machine to run on eight wheels. If military-tough isn’t enough for you, the HEMTT A3 comes equipped with an onboard generator powerful enough to light up an airfield. Unlike non-hybrid behemoths, this ride runs on diesel, biofuel, vegetable oil and electricity. It was designed to carry military cargo so there’s plenty of room for all the gear you and your small commune of survivors will need. True, it may not be practical for quick trips into town for baby formula, but you can store your Bonneville and your motorcycle helmet accessories in the cargo hold with enough room left over for a year’s supply of sharp sticks.
DeLorean Time Machine
Photo by Ed g2s via Wikimedia Commons
You open the DeLorean’s super-cool gull-wing door, get in, set the way-back machine to “Pre-Zombie Apocalypse,” fire up the flux capacitor and off you go. If the DeLorean isn’t on your list of post-apocalypse survival vehicles, then you might as well let the Governor float that brain of yours in a fish tank.
