How much do you love zombies? Have your costumes for the past few Halloweens been a variation of an undead character? An undead doctor, undead businessman, undead… I don’t know… Disney princess? Well, you’re not alone. It’s all part of loving any and all things zombies.
But some people tend to take it to the extreme. And there’s a fine line between binge-watching a few zombie flicks and those keeping their fingers crossed for an actual outbreak of the undead.
So how can you tell the difference between a hefty dose of fantasy fanhood and an unhealthy obsession for the rotting flesh of the undead? Take a look at some of these descriptions of both sides and see which one you can relate to more.
10. An enthusiast gets their pet dog the Zombie Foot Toy from ThinkGeek to play with. It’s a squeaker toy that looks like a zombie foot. A zombiephile feels envious each time they see their cat killing and eating a bird or rodent.
9. An enthusiast has zombie stick figure decals on the back of their car. A zombiephile puts the decals on their front windshield, so they have something to admire at stoplights.
8. An enthusiast occasionally has nightmares of being attacked by zombies. A zombiephile calls them fantasies.
7. An enthusiast proudly stores their wine in their satirical zombie wine bottle holder. A zombiephile refuses to take shots out of anything but the mouth of an intricately designed, zombie head liquor luge.
6. An enthusiast has all zombie decorations around Halloween. A zombiephile keeps them in their bedroom year round.
5. An enthusiast buys their perfume from a department store. A zombiephile uses Demeter’s “Zombie for Him” cologne, described as “a combination of dead and dying vegetation, mushrooms, mildew, moss and earth.”
4. An enthusiast (at least most of them) has a sense of moral hygiene. A zombiephile avoids brushing their teeth to achieve that real zombie rot.
3. An enthusiast identifies with Louise Belcher, from Bob’s Burgers, a character that likes scary movies and horror stories. A zombiephile relates to Tina Belcher, who writes erotic fiction featuring herself and the undead.
2. An enthusiast’s favorite show is The Walking Dead. A zombiephile’s spends all their extra time watching YouTube videos of Derek Nance, the man who survived for the last 6 years eating and drinking nothing but raw mean and blood.
1. An enthusiast is turned on by the zombies in the adult film Creature Feature, which is pretty understandable considering that adameve described them as “more interested in sex than brains.” A zombiephile, on the other hand, gets so turned on by the NSFW sex toy we featured in 2010, which boasts a “realistic” design of a zombie penis, that they actually use it—nope. Not quite as relatable.
So where do you fall on the scale? Do you have a healthy favoritism for the undead, or should we start questioning your mental stability? If you find yourself pondering the shipping costs for a zombie-inspired dildo, it’s probably the latter.
